After a year of marriage, we decided it was finally time to get pregnant. I did not think it was going to be a big deal. And, in the beginning, it wasn’t. In fact, we got pregnant the very first time we tried. And, the pregnancy went well. That is, until we received the very bad news that would change our lives forever. A rare complication had occurred due to the amniocentesis and our baby boy passed away. I was 24 weeks pregnant.

We took the time we needed to grieve our loss. And, after a year, even though our grief had not completely gone away we decided to try again. However, getting pregnant a second time was not so easy. My previous pregnancy had caused an auto-immune issue that was not only affecting my personal health, but also my ability to get pregnant. It was a very frustrating time for us and after trying on our own for over a year, we decided we needed help.

We researched all of the fertility agencies in the Bay Area and we decided that PFC would be the perfect choice for us. We were impressed by their knowledgeable staff and we felt confident that they would be able to help us. Our plan was to try IVF. However, I was concerned that my body would betray me once again. And, to be perfectly honest, I was terrified of being pregnant for a second time. And, if that was not enough, my personal doctors told me that not only was it highly likely that my auto-immune issues could get worse during another pregnancy, but also that my immune system would pass an antibody to my baby that could cause a heart defect. This information was just too much for one person to handle. So, after a few “heated” discussions with my husband and several hours of therapy sessions, we decided that surrogacy would be the best option for us. Now, if you would have told me 4 years ago that we would have a surrogate carry our baby, I would have thought that you were crazy. I am not the type of person to let a stranger drive my car, much less carry my baby for me. Just shows you how much things can change depending upon your circumstances. The fact of the matter was that I knew in my heart of hearts, a “stranger’s” body was more healthy than my own to carry our baby. Once we accepted this, the decision became an easy one for us.

We were fortunate enough to have the PFC staff support us in our decision. While I went through my first egg retrieval to make sure I had embryos for a surrogate, we also interviewed surrogacy agencies that PFC recommended to us. We decided to work with Creative Conception, Inc. and we are so glad we did! We met a wonderful surrogate and her husband that were a perfect match for us. She was a mom with three daughters and was dedicated to putting her life on hold to help us become parents.

We completed all of the personal and legal paperwork as well as all of the medical and psychological evaluations provided by PFC. After a few months, we were ready to start our first transfer from my frozen embryos. Unfortunately, we were unsuccessful with the embryo transfer. We were just devastated. My husband and I had suffered so much loss prior to this unsuccessful transfer that we were heartbroken with more bad news. But, we knew one thing for certain. We wanted to have our family so we tried again. This time, we decided that I would have a fresh retrieval. The embryo transfer was successful. Our surrogate was pregnant…with twins!

We attended all of our surrogate’s doctor’s visits. And, my surrogate and I kept in touch on a daily basis during the pregnancy through email, texting and occasional phone calls. I was pretty used to using email, but I had never been much for texting. When I quickly realized that the majority of our conversations were occurring by text, I decided that I had better learn how to text (and learn how to text quickly).While I was at it, I made sure to upgrade to an unlimited texting plan.

Now, I don’t want it to seem like our relationship was all sunshine & rainbows. Like any relationship, it had its ups & downs . However, this one was very different than any other relationship that either one of us had before. We had to learn how to effectively communicate with each other and most importantly, learn how to trust each other. We were both fortunate to have family members support us in our journey. However, for my husband and I, there were several times when we had to limit our conversations with family & friends. A few did not seem to completely understand what we were going through. And, even our strongest supporters occasionally said the stupidest thing to us. So, during this process, my husband & I did our best to surround ourselves with supportive people, take good care of ourselves and of one another. For myself, I found great support with therapy. Additionally, I was able to connect with other intended parents through our surrogacy agency. To this day, I am still friends with many of these amazing parents.

My surrogate took such great care of herself that she carried our babies all the way to 38 weeks. At this point in time, the doctor decided that we should induce. It was a very exciting time for all of us. And, on March 4th, 2011 she delivered our baby girl Alison. Five minutes later, our baby boy Jack arrived. We were finally parents!

Now, a year has passed and we have enjoyed every single sleepless moment of parenthood. We just celebrated our babies’ 1st birthday. And, I’m happy to say that my surrogate and her family attended our party, just like we have attended their kids’ birthday parties over this past year. I’m not sure if everyone stays in touch with their surrogate. It’s probably different for everyone. As for my surrogate, I cannot imagine my life without her. I am forever grateful for what she has done for us. And, this “stranger” is and will always be a very important part of our lives. She can drive my car anytime she wants!